Swan Lake
It was the start of Jill’s reign as chair
Anticipation hung in the air
To Dacre Park we all went
On adventure and excitement hell bent
The evening began quite well
Although there was a pretty strong smell
But the rain had stopped, the sun was shining
We were ready for some mighty fine dining
Said Jill, “It’s time to take to the water”.
So off we all went, like lambs to the slaughter
For zorb balling, canoeing and joking
Never guessed we were in for a soaking!
The most sensible girls of the lot
Rachel and Jo had a shot
At whizzing along, athletic and strong
To reach the far side, not too long
But what they could not have known
Because the useless man had not told
Was that a rampant beast was on the loose
A marauding attacker, no, not a goose
A gigantic, fearsome, crazy swan
Who simply would not leave us alone!
At first we thought ‘oh look at this’
How charmingly sweet, what heavenly bliss
This fine creature swimming with us
All God’s creatures, in a truss
But then a strange thing did he
A strutting, mating dance thought we
He’s mistaken us for a lady swan
Oh, but, how we were terribly wrong!
The strutting head became jabbing and longer
His flapping wings stronger and stronger
The dance had become outright war
It was terrifying, awful, we wanted no more
We tried to make a quiet retreat
But the violent nutter was enjoying his feat
He dive bombed and pecked at us mercilessly
As we made our desperate attempt to flee
Just then we thought he’s gone, it’s over
Thank God we sighed, alleluia
But no! the bugger had flown away
To get a long run up, or ‘fly up’ you might say
We turned to see the torpedo beast
Aiming straight at us, charging, fierce
We both stood up, oars at the ready
To defend ourselves, EH UP steady!
Yes, it decided to swoop, we fell into the lake
What a wonderful splash we did make!
Much mirth on the bank at our synchronised dive
We were lucky to come out alive!
Chewing mouthfuls of weed and soaked up to the neck
We hastened to shore, in fear of a peck
But one thing’s for sure, on that night full of fun
It was certainly 1-nil - to the swan!
One thing we can say though honey
is that it most certainly
Unequivocally
WAS
NOT
FUNNY!
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